If you’re the type of person who loves rousing your out-of-town friends with thinly veiled insults wrapped in synthetic charm, then you’re going to love our AI state descriptions. These computer-generated blurbs take into account what each state has, or doesn’t have, to offer. So go ahead and scroll down the list and see where your home state ranks.
(We’re pretty sure all 50 are there…unless our AI forgot one or two– which, let’s be real, when you’re dealing with places like Tennessee and Iowa, is a mistake anyone could make.)
The Best Thing About Each State According to AI
Our AI pulled key phrases from millions of pages of information and came up with this list. We acknowledge technology isn’t perfect, but stereotypes are common for a reason, and that little bit of truth is what makes life worth laughing about. So dear readers, try not to take the below comments too seriously.
Remember, whether born a Buckeye or Cornhusker, we’re all cut from the same cloth. We the people represent a freedom-obsessed, fast food-loving, capitalistic, country with over-inflated self-esteem. Home of the free and land of the insensitive– This is ’MERICA 🦅and its 50 flawed states.
Alabama: “The best thing about Alabama is that it’s a great place to live if you love football and sweet tea.”
And if you aren’t into college football, well then, you’re out of luck. We don’t actually know what else someone would do for fun in Alabama. Their cousin, maybe?
Alaska: “Without a doubt, the best thing about Alaska is the abundance of moose. You can’t go anywhere without seeing at least one moose, and sometimes they even come right up to your house!”
Nothing says “Home Sweet Home” like a 1,200-pound animal trying to run you down as you attempt to collect the mail.
Arizona: “Arizona! Where else can you find 4 seasons and 2 deserts?”
Ah yes… Arizona’s 4 seasons: Bearable, Hot, Pretty Hot, and Hot as Hell. They don’t call it Land of the Rising Sun for nothing.
Arkansas: “The best thing about Arkansas is that it’s the birthplace of Walmart. What could be better than a store that has everything you need, all at super low prices? Plus, Walmart is always there for you, rain or shine – they never close!”
And the best thing about Walmart is the Walmart People and their famed lack of supercenter shopper standards. No pants? No problem! Lizard on a leash? Sure, come on in.
California: “People are mostly nice, and the state is diverse.”
Despite unique backgrounds, Californians all have one very specific thing in common– the desire to live literally anywhere else. Over 1 million residents called it quits on The Golden State since 2020. Awkward…
Colorado: “The best thing about Colorado is the 300 days of sunshine each year! Just kidding – the best thing about Colorado is definitely the legal weed.”
We cannot believe our AI would promote marijuana. That should have been a joint decision. Weed be better off focusing on the one other thing Colorado has going for it. Almost a full year of sunshine? Sounds pretty dope to us. Just make sure you stay high-drated.
Connecticut: “The best thing about Connecticut is the fact that it’s the birthplace of frisbee. In fact, the very first flying disc was made out of a pie tin!”
With enough practice and a good, strong flick of the wrist, you too could be tossing used pie tins into the air like a true Nutmegger.
Delaware: “The warm ocean water.”
We tried to think of a salty comment about this state and its famed coastline. But we soon abandoned that idea because Delaware’s beach resort shore hit the spot. Sea ya there, gull friend!
Florida: “The alligators, of course! They provide a wonderful service of keeping the population of smaller animals in check. And they’re so cute when they smile! Plus, they’re great to have around in case you ever need a handbag.”
Welcome to Florida, home to a staggering 21.2 million dangerous predators who fiercely guard the location of the best fishing spots and 1.2 million alligators.
Georgia: “The best thing about Georgia is definitely the peaches. I mean, they’re everywhere! In your cereal, in your yogurt, in your pie, and even in your vodka.”
Oops, found a typo. Our AI misspelled “Waffle House.”
Hawaii: “The best thing about Hawaii is that it’s a place where you can be as lazy as you want and no one will judge you.”
But they will judge you on how you pronounce the name of their state fish and what type of sunscreen you wear.
Idaho: “The best thing about Idaho is the potatoes.”
We’ve got nothing but love for the deliciously versatile spud. This state’s underground tuber will never be topped. (Unless it’s with sour cream, cheese, and chives.)
Illinois: “The best thing about Illinois is everyone’s love for the Chicago Cubs.”
We’re so glad the Cubs came out of a 108 year hibernation and won the 2016 World Series. Nobody should be sleeping on the job for that long.
Indiana: “The best thing about Indiana is that there’s no shortage of cornfields.”
Where to start? Should we focus on the fact that the only thing our AI found worth mentioning about Indiana was the miles of corn or the fact that the Fighting Irish pronounce it No-ter Dame?
Iowa: “Other than the fact that it’s the birthplace of the equally uninspiring corn dog, there’s really not much to like about Iowa.”
Woah, that was some serious shade thrown by our AI. To all Iowans, we apologize. Corn dogs inspire us daily.
Kansas: “The skies are blue.”
“Uh, guys? I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” To which the whole car full of people cheered with delight because everyone knows Kansas is one of the most boring states to road trip through.
Kentucky: “There’s nothing quite like the taste of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and there’s no better place to get it than in the state of Kentucky.”
Yet, the first KFC franchise originated in Utah. We’re willing to overlook that piece of information because Colonel Sanders makes some cluckin’ good chicken.
Louisiana: “There are so many great things about Louisiana, it’s hard to know where to start! For one thing, the state is absolutely crawling with alligators. You can’t walk five feet without stepping on one! They’re everywhere, and they’re just waiting to take a chunk out of you. It’s really exciting!”
Take a good whiff. Smell that? That’s the smell of dead fish, cooking grease, and the hot tang of regret. Welcome to New Orleans!
Maine: “The best thing about Maine is that it’s so far away from everything else. If you want to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city, Maine is the perfect place for you. There’s nothing to do here, and that’s exactly what I love about it. And if you ever get bored, you can always drive to the nearest Walmart store and stock up on supplies.”
The main thing we love about Maine is the lobster, obviously. This crustacean reigns supreme in our hearts and our bellies. Just please don’t get it at Walmart.
Maryland: “There are a lot of great things about Maryland, but if we had to narrow it down to just one, it would have to be the Old Bay seasoning. That stuff is amazing on seafood, and it’s definitely something that Maryland does better than anywhere else.”
To imply people in Maryland don’t know much of anything except how to season seafood correctly is an assumption we can get behind.
Massachusetts: “The best thing about Massachusetts is being able to drive on the Mass Pike and not being afraid.”
Let me translate so all you Bostonians understand: AI is unda the impression driving a cah aun the Pike is easy. Except when you get a chowderhead trying to bang a uey, am I right?
Michigan: “The best thing about Michigan is that it’s not in Ohio.”
We’re sensing some tension across state lines…
Minnesota: “Short days, long nights, and freezing temperatures? Yes, please! If you’re looking for a place to truly suffer through a winter, Minnesota is the state for you.”
Uff-da, it’s cold out there! Not much to do when the weather is below freezing except chop up some candy bars, mix in a tub of whipped cream and baeg of mini marshmallows and call it a salad.
Mississippi: “The best thing about Mississippi is that it’s home to the Muppets!”
Mississippians love to tell you their state is the birthplace of everyone’s favorite amphibian, Kermit. Considering residents of the Magnolia State have the highest obesity rate in the nation, you think they’d relate more to Miss Piggy.
Missouri: “The best thing about Missouri is that it’s so easy to leave. Whether you’re heading north to Iowa, east to Illinois, south to Arkansas or west to Kansas, it’s always just a few hours drive away.”
It’s important to have a good getaway plan, afterall. Maybe we should change Missouri’s nickname to the “Show-Me the Way Outta Here State.”
Montana: “The best thing about Montana is that it’s the best kept secret in the United States.”
Maybe that has something to do with the fact that The Treasure State has the worst internet access in the nation. Are any Montanans even reading this?
Nebraska: “There are a lot of great things about Nebraska, but my favorite has to be the lack of traffic. Living in a big city like LA or New York can be really frustrating sometimes, and it’s nice to be able to drive for an hour and not see another car.”
Empty roads could be because 1 out of every 4 Americans can’t even find Nebraska on a map. 4 out of 4 Nebraskans can’t either.
Nevada: “The best thing about Nevada is that it’s the perfect place to elope! In fact, more couples choose to get married in Nevada than any other state in the country.”
Do people whose marriages happen in Vegas stay married? Our guess is most Vegas weddings last as long as the buzz does.
New Hampshire: “The best thing about New Hampshire is the granite. It’s everywhere! You can find it in the state parks, in people’s backyards, and even on the side of the road.”
Any Granite Staters want to pose a counter-argument? I mean, finding granite everywhere you look, rocks and everything, but we were hoping this state’s description would be a little boulder.
New Jersey: “The best thing about New Jersey is the diner culture. Diners are a staple in the Garden State, and they offer a wide variety of food options at affordable prices. Plus, they’re open late at night, so you can always get your grub on!”
Diner capital of the world and home to tans so bad they’ll make you want to say “fuggedaboutit.”
New Mexico: “The best thing about New Mexico is the dusty air. It’s so fresh and clean! Not to mention the exquisite way it clings to your clothes and hair, making you feel gritty and alive. Plus, nothing beats the smell of cedar trees mixed with chili peppers in the autumn.”
Funny how our AI description failed to even hint at extraterrestrial life. It’s almost as if our government andsf shakd sh a astoasstjitot sjge asoas ejesag sotjijijis ssif ss, s ajsidfs as stotas.
New York: “The best thing about New York is the constant stream of people who are always asking for directions. It really makes you feel like you’re part of the community. Also, the trash on the streets is a nice touch.”
While we’re on the subject of trash on the streets, let’s not forget the ever-growing plague of pizza-stealing subway rats and Gen-Z Tik Tokkers.
North Carolina: “The best thing about North Carolina is definitely the hippies. They add such a great vibe to the state and really make it what it is. Thank goodness we have them here, otherwise North Carolina would just be a boring old southern state.”
Hippies must be good for the economy because the Tarheel State was just named #1 for business. Does anyone else think they should re-check their data?
North Dakota: “The best thing about North Dakota is the lack of people. With only about 750,000 residents, it’s one of the least populated states in the US.”
Honestly, we’re just shocked that so many Americans with poor judgment choose to live in a place where winter temps reach depths of -6 degrees.
Ohio: “The best thing about Ohio is that it’s not as bad as Michigan.”
Somebody get Steve Harvey on the phone because this feels like a family feud. Maybe not a full-out brawl, but more like a hair-pulling fight between siblings.
Oklahoma: “The best thing about Oklahoma is that it is home to the world’s largest peanut.”
A legume that large is sure to cause a reaction.
Oregon: “The best thing about Oregon is… the rain.”
With 164 gray sky days per year, some people might say rain is the worst part of Oregon. Upside: you’ll save money on a pool– just wait for the street to flood.
Pennsylvania: “The things I like best about Pennsylvania are the history, the history, and history.”
Yinzers enjoy a rich history of cheesesteaks, steel factories, the liberty bell, and still having their milk delivered like its 1930.
Rhode Island: “The best thing about Rhode Island is that it’s small. This means that everyone in Rhode Island knows everyone else, and if you don’t like someone, you’re just a short drive away from getting away from them.”
Focus on the last part of that second sentence for free therapy advice. Which is a killer deal in a state whose healthcare costs are higher than the national average.
South Carolina: “The best thing about South Carolina is that it’s the birthplace of grits! And y’all know there ain’t nothin’ better than a big ol’ bowl of grits on a cold winter morning.”
Most people know grits are made from cornmeal. However, the secret to creating a true southern dining experience is adding in a thick pat of butter and plenty of passive-aggressive comments masked as hospitality. Bless their hearts.
South Dakota: “There’s nothing in particular about South Dakota. This state is pretty boring.”
Boom. Roasted.
Tennessee: “The best thing about Tennessee is the Moon Pies. Unlike those boring astronaut pies from outer space, Moon Pies are made right here on earth with real food ingredients like sugar, flour, and deliciousness.”
Who doesn’t want flavorless marshmallows sandwiched between two stale graham cracker discs covered in chocolate? Moon pies aren’t exactly exciting. We’d describe them as unforgettable– kind of like Tennessee.
Texas: “The best thing about Texas is its size. For example, it’s so big that it has room for both cowboys and hipsters. And everyone knows that cowboys and hipsters are two of the most important demographics in the world.”
Plenty of room for cowboys, hipsters, and houses with floor plans as vast as Ted Cruz’s ego, but no room for families crossing the border. Did we get that right?
Utah: “The best thing about Utah is that it’s not as bad as everyone says it is.”
Utahns will introduce themselves by bringing a heaping plate of homemade cookies to your front door. Every recipe is doubled because every family is doubled, and sometimes the wives are too.
Vermont: “The best thing about Vermont is that it’s a great place to live if you want to avoid contact with other human beings. The rural landscape is beautiful, but it can be quite isolating. If you’re the type of person who enjoys spending weekends alone in the wilderness, then Vermont is definitely the place for you.”
We’re not saying Vermont sounds like the perfect setting for a cabin-in-the-woods slasher film, but with descriptions like “isolated,” “alone,” and “wilderness”…we’re not not saying it either.
Virginia: “The best thing about Virginia is that it’s not located in the middle of the country. If it were, it would be called “Iowa.”
Sounds like someone is pouting because Iowa sits in the middle of the group while ole’ Virginia is on the outs. With its place on the east coast, Virginia doesn’t stand a chance of being the center of anyone’s thoughts or maps.
Washington: “The best thing about Washington is that it’s the birthplace of Starbucks. “
The only other perk that could compete with Starbies for Washington’s greatest contribution to society would be Amazon. But please, don’t make us choose between 2-day delivery and Caramel Macchiatos.
West Virginia: “The best thing about West Virginia is undoubtedly the moonshine. It’s strong, it’s smooth, and it’ll make you feel like a real man.”
OR a real woman. We believe in equality. We’re not Wyoming.
Wisconsin: “The best thing about Wisconsin is the cheese. Of course, there are other great things about Wisconsin, like the Packers and the beer, but the cheese is really what makes it special.”
We’re not saying all Cheeseheads lack basic hygiene, just that after a long day of cheering on the Packers, fans resemble the ripeness of Limburger.
Wyoming: “The best thing about Wyoming is that it’s not in a hurry to change. Sure, the rest of the world is moving forward at breakneck speed, but Wyoming is perfectly happy just sitting back and enjoying the view.”
Nothing says “I’m comfortable with complacency” like Wyoming’s painful wage gap. The phrase “Put your money where your mouth is” takes on a whole new meaning when women are paid a mere 63.4 cents for every dollar men earn.
Methodology
AI data was generated using GPT-3.
PJ has a background in management consulting and software development. At DesignBro, he combines both. Personal favorite brand of PJ is Jeep.
